Losing Identities, Growing Apart: The Top Reasons Couples Separate


Losing Identities, Growing Apart: The Top Reasons Couples Separate

The prevalence of divorce in the U.S. is at an alarming 40 to 50%. And that figure is only for first marriages. The number is even higher among couples who have remarried. Divorce can be costly and messy. It can leave permanent scars on the psychological and mental health of everyone involved, especially children.

What leads to the breakdown of a marriage? A lot of people mistakenly tag infidelity as the primary reason for couples divorcing. While cheating happens frequently, researchers say the majority of couples who separate do so because they got married for the wrong reasons in the first place.

Let us take a look at the real reasons couples decide to call it quits.

Losing identities

Doing things together as a couple or making decisions together is all good and ideal. However, what is not good is losing your individuality in the process. When the relationship has reached a point where you do not even know what kind of food or music you like and you have to ask your partner for what he or she recommends, you would be in deep trouble.

Growing apart

Many partners who undergo couples therapy in Sandy, Utah admit to going through the motions of everyday living. The goal of the marriage has become taking care of the family, providing for everyone’s needs, and raising the children. The relationship as husband and wife has become lost in the mad jumble of bills, soccer practice, and sick kids.

When your interaction as a couple has been reduced to daily updates on how the kids are doing and who is picking up takeout, prepare yourself for heartbreak. As they say, marriage is something you work on every day. And it is usually the little things that keep you going.

Take some time during the day, no matter how busy you may be, to reconnect and have fun with your spouse. It can be a simple coffee break or an afternoon walk. If you can, setting aside a “date night” every month will do your relationship a lot of good.

Unmet expectations

parents fighting

It is natural for people to get frustrated when their needs are not met. Whether it is time, attention, affection, finances, helping around the house, or lending a hand with the kids, unmet expectations trigger resentment and unhappiness. It gets worse when the issues are never brought up and discussed out in the open.

During counseling, experts help partners identify their issues and problems. This is the only way the other party will be able to understand and offer ways to resolve the problem if they are willing to work them out.

Lack of intimacy

Not being intimate with one another does not just mean not making love. Couples can still express affection through kissing, hugging, or even simply holding hands. Without these forms of intimacy, either one or both parties feel neglected or unwanted.

Marriage is complicated. It requires hard work and commitment. It is also a big responsibility because often there are innocent lives involved.

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